Observation without Purpose

As I set route to run through Golden Gate Park I’m halted and forcibly ambushed by the senses. Every where I turn I’m infiltrated by the colors, smells, sights and sounds of nature.

Today I will walk and observe.

The beauty of the different varieties of tree and plant life accompanied with different flowers and species of animal can’t clearly be described through words.

Despite this, I will try. I will describe a specific occurrence.

Please come with me on this short journey.

Observation

After a short run I head towards a secluded area in the south lawns in the park. I’ve made it a habit to not bring any technology with me except for the air in my lungs.

I take my shoes off, lay a blanket down, sit down Indian style and observe the landscape around me.

I observe the gentle tugs of the wind and see how it rustles the leaves of every tree branch down to the smallest blade of grass.

The Wind

I start to think about the wind and its grandeur. How this invisible force that we can’t see or touch has the power to move matter, affect our bodies temperature and even make noise.

Even though it becomes quite windy in the evening hours in the Richmond District I find myself comfortable and at home in my shorts and almost translucent t-shirt.

I’ve made peace with the fact that the “I” that is “me” is not cold rather the body is.

I enjoy cold showers now.

Since I’ve been lessoning the need to identify myself from the elements so has my attachment or aversions to things like the cold.

I observed the wind as the miracle it is.

This understanding of the cold and how it relates to the body has helped me understand the psychological problems in my life.

Like the wind, I can invite these problems — but don’t have to identify with them. I can acknowledge them for what they are, but it need not go further than that.

It’s a powerful tool to know that we have the ability to feel anyway we want about almost anything.

Nature

Before I meditate I observe everything in-front of me.

The pleasing sight of many shades of green, colorful flowers, tall and short plant life and the many species of bird and insect puts me in a state of awe.

If nature can live in harmony with such differences — why can’t we?

There is nothing systematic or routine about nature, yet when we look at nature as a whole, it makes sense and leaves us speechless.

I see miniature like sun-flowers scattered around the tree I was sitting under. I saw them dancing with the wind and saw how each flower stands just as proud as the tallest trees.

It makes me think about ego, and how the ego is just a illusory force that inhibits us from standing tall and proud because it’s looking at others to validate its self-worth.

Nature has taught me that to be myself has always been enough, and being enough is more than one could ask for in this lifetime.

The Beating Ground

I looked closely at the ground and could see it actually breathing with me.

If you’ve ever tried to be completely still and to have your thoughts suspended for a few minutes, perhaps you can experience this spectacle.

We all know the earth is a living and breathing organism, but to see it in this way brings clarity that this world is as alive as our beating hearts.

The Sky

I gaze up at the sky — and to my surprise the canvas of the heavens was empty with not a cloud in sight. It was infinite blue and vast like the Pacific herself.

If you ever find your-self down or at odds with life, just look outside to the sky. Nature blesses us with a new and real-time painting everyday.

I can never capture the same beauty of the sky twice. It’s a lesson in the always changing and temporal nature of the world.

I find it hard to be upset at anything for too long because like the sky it will change.

I close my eyes…..

and say goodbye to the world for a moment as I begin to meditate.

I practice Anapana breathing which was a technique I learned during my 10-day silent re-treat.

Anapana means being aware of each breath and the sensations you feel throughout your body.

The breathing helps you make peace with what is here.

It’s taking a definitive and uncompromising stance that you can’t be anywhere but here.

It’s understanding that right now is all that you have or will ever have.

I continue to breathe and notice the suns light warming the left side of my face. It’s a comforting feeling and reminds me of a story about my mother.

When younger my mother would pick me up from school. I’d sit on the passenger side and lean my face against the glass. The sun’s light would warm the glass thereby warming me up. My mother would drive slowly and I felt as if she could drive forever and I wouldn’t care because I was so comfortable. I recall once asking my mom if she could go around the block once more before we got home. She smiled and did so. Maybe she felt what I felt. Maybe she didn’t have a care in the world either at that moment. It’s funny how the most obvious things can make you think of something so close to your childhood.

I continued to meditate and noticed the sun’s light moving from the left part of my face to the center of it. I started to think about everything that is happening in our universe that is making this this one event possible.

I started to think about suns 93 million mile distance from us, the 7 minutes it takes for its light to get to us or the fact that the earth is spinning at 1000/mph on its own axis for the past 3.8 billions years.

I started to think about how the sun can do this to me and the same time give energy and warmth to everything on the planet.

The sun has the ability to carry an intimate relationship with each of us at the same time.

It’s in observations like this where any psychological problem I may have had ceases to exist. There are too many miracles happening in-front of us.

We can open up to them at anytime.

When I opened my eyes…

the world became more gentle and calm. She was more beautiful than I left her.

There was a subtle hue of green all around me. I took one deep breathe and filled my lungs with the classical element that we will all become one day — Air.

Knowing that I’ll go back into the ether has become the defining reason to do anything in life.

Life is fleeting and death is looming. These are obvious statements that we all know but it has become all the reason for me to live freely today.

Excuse the blunt candor of this rational sentiment, but if someone offends you or hurts your feelings, just know that — that person will die just like you.

I don’t mean to come across as morbid. Instead — just stating a fact.

Understanding death — not just conceptually, but saying goodbye to every moment gives rise to compassion and kindness.

Death removes the shields of the ego we hold so strongly to.

I still struggle with my own advice, but it’s becoming easier.

The Bird

After opening my eyes and coming back to the world I saw a bird by the tree I was meditating under.

Its feathers were bright orange with stripe like spots of black and gray scattered throughout its body.

It would come closer to me, quickly go away and then come back again. It did this for about 5 minutes.

The bird was hyper-aware of everything around it. It was looking for predators and prey constantly. I imagine all animals having a similar fight or flight syndrome.

As humans we are fortunate to not have these problems. Most of us have shelter, food and warmth — yet many will still be without joy.

I continue to observe the bird. It was looking for something and the area that I occupied seemed important to it. It pecked at the ground, took a few nibbles of grass and then started slowing down.

It was silent and stopped moving. If it wasn’t in nature someone could mistake it for a statue.

After about 30 seconds of stillness the bird suddenly grabbed an earth-worm from the ground.

I was speechless.

Nature gives me another miracle for the day.

I’m losing my grip on Life

On the outside I am fine.

I know to live in this world I must work to pay bills, save for retirement, eat, help others and maybe even get married one day.

But I’m losing my grip because the more I observe reality and educate myself — The more LOST I feel and the LESS I know.

My heart bleeds when I see the homeless. I hate the fact that there are wars and famine. I cringe at the fact that women and children are victimized. I can’t stand the way we needlessly murder animals.

Why am I so fortunate? What is so good about me? Why can’t I be the change that everyone talks about?

I envy the tree and the bird. They can accept reality for what it is and perform their duties with no regard.

I know very little except that what brings me a little joy in this crazy world is when I live life deliberately.

I try to stay in this space as much as I can.

With Love,

Anand